I finally finished my Orientation Days, yeahh.. I am officially UK Petra's family. Let's say hello to my 4years journey..
I was so happy after had passed SHS National Exams, graduated from Frateran.
That is right, in every end, you will meet net beginning. My adventure was not end that way, yet It is a Welcome greeting to the Real Jungle. You may say i am hyperbolic or something. I have already heard from ancentors that university life is soo much different with high school. The most obvious difference is, In highschool, our teacher pays attention to our mark, and give warnings to our unsubmited assignments. Yet, in university that kinda things won't happen. We have to be more concern about our grades. The teacher -lecturers- are only teaching us. They won't remind you about the deadline of your project. We are in charge about that. We get more freedom , yet we have bigger responsibilities.
They said It was hard to find the real friends. Friends who love you the way you are, friends who are sicerely want to be your friend without seeing your fame or weaknesses, friends who will always stand by your side, friends who remind you whenever you do wrong. And also, in university you are forced to be more competitive. It is like a race, no matter how close you are with your friends, there will always be an unseen competition. I just can't imagine how bad it is. I didn't know what is the main point about being so competitive. Yet i think, it is like a time to prove your truly self, to let your light shine. And also time to prepare yourself before the working life.
To be honest, i am so lack of self confidence now. I am so afraid about facing those realities. And i think my academic english is not enough, English will be the main language in my major. Writting essays with english, presentation with english, everything with english. I know that it will be hard for me, i never used to talk with english everyday. I just hoping that it won't take a long time for me to addapt with this new environment.
I also worried about my friends. Friends who's sooner or later will be my companions 4 or more years ahead. I wonder what if i get along with wrong people, friends who is gonna betray me. And there's one more thing -i cant explain- i am so afraid of..
Oh no!! A lot of threatening things pop up in my head, brainwashed my old naive mind. I always feel uneasy everytime those thoughts come again.
I asked my friend, and she gave me this bible verse "So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal". , which was making me ease up again, and realise that it was not that bad. She said that i should not be that worried. I have to throw up my anxiety feeling. And I know i should be grateful for my unseen things like my loving splendid family, my caring friends, my supportive catholic community family, my faithful and reliable boyfriend, Him that always raise me up :)
I have to fill my mind with positive thoughts and try to build my self esteem back. Without any confidence and faith in myself, i know that it will be harder to survive. I should have fullfilled the commitments which i have just make.
