I used to doubt the truth of “see you soon”. I doubt the realization of it. To be honest, I hardly believe it. For some people “see you soon” is vague. It’s just a mandatory thing to say when someone’s leaving.
Let me make it clear. The "see you soon" I am talking about is not for the person who’ll leave for a week or month. It is for the person whom you won’t meet for the next 6 months, years, three years or maybe more?
For me, that three words is like a magic spell. A Magic spell which can console yourself when you see your beloved one’s leaving. A magic spell which gives you hope that you’ll meet that person soon. But, most of the time it’s just a false hope. Not all the time. But. Well. Most of the time.
At some point, I jumped into conclusion that those words trap us into a comfort zone. A comfort zone that bias ourselves to stay believing in something which is hard to be true
Uhmm. You will meet that person eventually. But the thing is, when you meet them at that future time being, will the feelings still the same? Will you still be the same lovers like before; or you two will just be a total stranger with an awkward smile means Oh, that person used to be mine. We never know.
In 21 years of my life, I’ve been seeing people come and go. When I was in junior high school, my best friend went abroad for education purpose . We burst into tears before she departed to Paris. We’re like Gossip Girl’s Blair and Serena. We exchanged see you soon and keep in touch, I am gonna miss you much thingy. Sure, we kept in touch. Only for the first month. And the rest it’s just a story that you can guess the ending. I only know that she’s engaged to someone. That’s it.
Another story, I joined a summer camp few years ago. I met lot of friends. At the end of the summer camp, we promised to visit each other during holiday. We took lot of pictures. We’re sure that we’ll keep in touch. We did, for the first or two weeks. However, we never visited each other, as if we never had that promise.
The most painful one. I once had a long distance relationship. We believed in the quote “distance means nothing when someone means everything”. We’re sure that our love’s greater than the wavy Pacific Ocean which separated us. Well, this time was better. We managed to survive for 6 months. It's tiring and torturing. Every time I wanted to end the relationship, the idea of me seeing him soon made me survive.
I forgot how much I cling onto it. I lied to myself. I denied the fact that I felt this relationship is too burdensome; there's no point on continuing this relationship. Eventually, this relationship ended.
Not so long after, I met him. We just stared at each other with an awkward smile. I knew that there wasn't any sparks between us.
I had enough of being someone who's staying and being left. I know how it feels. I know how miserable it is. The hardest part is to make you realize that things are not the same anymore. I should have learnt to know when to go on and when to stop.
This time, I am not the one who's left. Instead, I am the one who will leave this country. Even if it’s just 8 months, it’s still a long time for me. I adore this relationship. This relationship is nice; too nice to fail in LDR. I don't want to mess this. What if I can’t make it again?
I look at my watch. It’s the time to go. He holds my arms and hugs me tightly. I could feel his heart beats. He’s nervous. No.No. Please don't say those words.
He whispers, “I’ll see you soon, dear! Take care.” Oh crap! He said it.
Dejavu. I felt it before. Though I am not the one who's left, I just don’t want the person that I love feels the same way like me few years ago.
I am not doubting this. I've made up my mind. This time will be different. I assure myself once again. “I’ll see you in 8 months. Wait me home!” I hug him back.
I look at him once again before I enter the gate. I see him smiling. I smile back. I won’t give him false hope. Most importantly, this time, I will prove to myself, that “see you soon” is real. I won't be the one who leave scar. Instead of doubting this hope, I choose to give it a shot once again. I might leave for a while, yet I will come back, for sure. Until we meet again, Dear!
** Fiction alert